I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
