I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
