Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
