Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
