Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
