I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
