i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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