Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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