tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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