you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
