Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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