The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
