What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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