Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
