Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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