Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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