Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
