If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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