I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
