If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
