Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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