i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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