I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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