You're completely useless in the revolution.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
