We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
