I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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