If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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