and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
