Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
