i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
