What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
