I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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