dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
