Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
