He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
