i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
