you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
