you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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