Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
