Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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