I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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