Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
