I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
