flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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