Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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