God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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