i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
