Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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