you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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