A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
