we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
