i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
