I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
