Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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