I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
