So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
